An Intimate Portrait of Awakening
Hello dear Friend.
It has been a long while since I wrote an article, or done anything “in the world,” so to speak. Months ago, Kundalini Shakti was unexpectedly activated and began altering my inner landscapes and neurophysiology. Spiritual expansion has been my soul path the past 30 years (except for a few detours!), but this type of awakening was not invited or even considered. Some days my meditations reveal a state of bliss so intense that my intellect goes off-line, making it difficult to communicate for hours or even days. Other times, my nervous system is recalibrating in ways that I can hardly tolerate ordinary noises and Nature becomes my only haven. Except for counseling clients and spending special, limited time with my beloved Thomas and fur angel, Mia, life has been immersed in intense sadhana (spiritual practice): meditation, contemplative prayer, journaling, self-inquiry, and Advaita Vedanta and Bhakti Yoga teachings. Only now does it feel like the right time to share this highly personal story of awakening with others. Actually, “awakening” is not a journey but a profound undoing; undoing the attachment to the beliefs that we are the “doer,” the “experiencer,” the “reactor,” the “thinker,” the “personality,” the “body” and so forth.
You may be on this mailing list because you signed up for articles on nighttime dreams. Since dreams continue to be an integral part of awakening, I am recording them and will use them to illustrate their significance. But the focus will remain on waking up from your false self and living from the reverence of the true Self. This divine aspect lies hidden beneath the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about what we believe we are. If this is not of interest to you, please unsubscribe using either the iContact or WordPress unsubscribe link.
If this resonates with your soul, you are invited to participate in my non-dualistic journey that feels precarious at times since there is no teacher, guru, or organized path. Though I am not an expert—only someone who is willing to be vulnerable and expose her experiences—authentic insights from my personal journal about daily life during awakening will be shared. Stages of awakening will be high-lighted, perhaps stages you are currently experiencing. And yes, there are stages. We may even fall back to sleep if we have not dealt with the seeds of our vasanas (behavioral tendencies) and our vrittis (thought patterns).
This is not an easy road to travel. Yet there really is no journey, no road, nor even a traveler. Very few people are even remotely interested. Thus, if you possess even the tiniest glimmer of curiosity, know that your Self is already coaxing you Home. Lasting inner peace, deep contentment, and periods of pure bliss are likely to shine forth as you learn to view everything through the eyes of pure awareness. Why? Because true awakening is the recognition of the Self which resides within you. Never having been born, It never dies.
From my journal…
This morning’s meditation felt like I was being resurrected. As the intense Kundalini was rising throughout my being, I communed with God as never before. Though it was not the showering of Grace I felt a couple of weeks ago, it was very gentle yet powerful. “Surrender” kept surfacing and the more I let go, the higher I felt lifted into stunning levels of golden, white light. About an hour in (not sure), I witnessed a golden orb gently pulsating and communicating its love to me. It was quite profound. I seemed to stop breathing. Gasps for air escaped my body. I kept my focus single pointed as waves of Kundalini surged through the body. As the focus intensified, I felt unafraid of the ascension and immense energy pulsating up my spine and out through the top of my head.
At one point, I felt a significant shift into the Divine and my hands went cold and stiff. They began to sweat a little. In the past, I would have felt more hesitation/fear but today, I was COMPLETELY open and with each deepening surrender, I was lifted higher. Afterward, I had to lie down. Warm waves of peace washed over me and I felt profoundly content.
How did this happen after feeling so disconnected from Source just yesterday?! An answer emerged: GRACE.